Don't Read This: I Wouldn't

"Having this conversation has made me realize that I am willing to lose ideological battles if I get to fight them on the ground. Throughout our converse I find that I was most satisfied - happy and hopeful even - when I entertained the prospect of seeing a public discourse that pushed a Universal package, even as I presumed the package's utter failure to find approval. Alternately, I find neither hope nor happiness within me for Obama's plan, even presuming its victory.

If anything I feel dread: Knowing that the arguments favoring this plan (get a catchy name for it already, I can't keep calling it "Obama's plan") will quietly duck the quality-of-care issues which lie at the heart of the need for reform - the same issues and arguments that led every other wealthy, industrialized nation in the world to demand the Universal system I long for. I lament that we will soon suffer the spectacle of a public discussion on Health Care that finds the two opposed parties employed in a conspiracy of mutual silence; jointly implying that a Universal plan is not even worth considering - such pure, insolvent folly it must be - by not even discussing it.

Long ago I turned off the television because it was stupid and void of meaning. Four or five months ago I was forced to put down the news because it too became stupid. (stupider) Not just the politicians and the spin-men, but everyone - the whole damned nation - lying and feigning ignorance, gouging their own eyes out so as to push their chosen horse forward sans cumbersome reality to get in the way. Debates where both sides conspired to say little and less about important topics; Two minute talking-points and cue-card responses; A 24-hour media that somehow allowed and enabled it all, as though the candidates' mutual silence was in and of itself an authority to be respected; and worst of all, the people who cheered this disgusting process on, many who actually shed tears of joy for it's outcome.

Mostly I live my life in a ready-state of anger and frustration, where placidity is the odd man out. Unfortunately, I may not be a complete asshole, (though clearly a lone-gunman in the making) because I spend most of my time trying to keep this rage suppressed - tucked away somewhere in my stomach or behind my forehead. I walk around carrying a halo of negativity, mumbling insults to myself about all the stupid shit I see and hear. Unable to force a smile for the average stranger, I can at least keep my hatred for him below an audible volume. It has become so bad, in fact, that I am often found wearing ear plugs, that I might at least lower the volume of what I perceive to be the constant, unrepentant insanity with which I am surrounded. I've even stopped reading some of the personal messages friends and family write to me because I don't want to lose any more of my mind to their varied psychoses; to the little notes which I assume are intended solely to spread negativity and disrupt the onset of serenity.

I tell you these things because I think my frustration finds it's home in hopelessness, and I think my hopelessness has this to blame: How is anyone supposed to have hope for themselves or anyone else when we find no one fighting for what we all know and agree is right; No one to act with honor regardless of the foreseeable outcome; no one willing to stand straight, speak intelligently, and set the standard for good - whether their methods will bring victory or not. Lancelot is dead; his decapitated head displayed atop a pike at the entrance to the kingdom, and I'm expected to have hope?

Hope isn't as intangible a thing as everyone thinks. It can be observed. It can be measured. What's more, it doesn't tend to just come into being on its own: You usually have to make it. And it isn't always the cheapest commodity to produce. There's an equivalent exchange - an original investment - required to manufacture hope.

But that price isn't enabling a win by the sacrifice of ideals or a compromise of integrity like so many seem to think... It's harder than that: It's abiding the ideal. It's sacrificing victory in order to play fair. It's handicapping yourself with the burdens of dignity and morality. It's speaking honestly and intelligently, without stooping to the manipulative tactics employed by the enemies of intellect and truth.

That's what inspires hope: A victor who didn't have to become a demon to open the gates of heaven. Anything less only reminds us that everyone is dirty; No one plays fair; Evil is everywhere and it's the only means of progress. Art is just ratings; Law is just popularity; Government is just politics; Love is just a chemical reaction; and death is the end of us all.

Maybe you believe these things are true... Maybe they are. But if so I've got nothing to hope for and you've no right to ask it of me.

Anyway, It's a choice you get to make. I continue to sit comfortably at the sidelines wearing earplugs, throwing flags at illegal plays."